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Mannequin Two – On the Move: I, For One, Welcome Our New Mannequin Overlord

In which Jason and Bobbin Wages review the trailer for Mannequin Two: On the Move. JASON Hi, Bobbin. Is it just me, or does Meshach Taylor’s “Hollywood Montrose” character in Mannequin Two: On the Move...

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Trying To Snapchat A Possum Is How Nick Fury Lost An Eye In The First Place:...

In which Jason and Laura Relyea review the trailer for Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.. JASON Looks like Agent Coulson from The Avengers was playing possum this whole time! I don’t blame him, though....

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300 – Rise of an Empire: Rise Of The Itty Bitty Titty Committee

Artemisia, Queen of Halicarnassus, saunters up to Xerxes and breathily declares, “I will attack the Greeks… with my entire navy.” Oh Artemisia, you don’t need an entire navy. Every modern girl knows...

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As I Lay Dying: Step Up To Free Laundry, Man-Child

In which Jason and Ian Belknap review the trailer for As I Lay Dying. JASON Hi, Ian. Can I be honest with you? I’ve never even read As I Lay Dying. So I don’t know who’s going to lay dying in this...

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Planes: Dancing Directly Adjacent To Buzz Lightyear

The staff at this inflatable-bouncy-stuff-ball-pit place would really like my kid to think she’s dancing with Buzz Lightyear, just like Disney would like us to believe that Planes is a real Pixar...

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Commando: Let Me Say A Word Or Two About Freedom Williams

In which Tony Jenkins and Bryan Cole review the trailer for Commando. BRYAN “Let’s party”… Hell yeah, let’s party. Speaking of which, did you see how buff Freddie Mercury was there? Hard to believe he...

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Where’s The Button On Yelp For “Doesn’t Honor Pancakes?” A Review Of The...

Wow, Thor just hit that giant in the face with his magic hammer and turned him into a pile of rocks. I had a run-in of my own with a giant last weekend, at the Zaxby’s near my house. I’ve been trying...

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No Stranger To Stuffing: A Review Of The Trailer For “All Is Lost”

You know, my stepdad’s brother had a sailboat like Robert Redford’s in All Is Lost. He mostly kept it docked in Savannah, and sat around on it listening to Bonnie Raitt songs and drinking beer. When I...

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I Look Forward To Kneeling At Her Throne Made From The Bones Of Mortals: A...

In which Gina Rickicki and Benjamin Carr review the trailer for Steel Magnolias. BEN My first experience with Steel Magnolias was looking at my mom’s eyes after she saw it for the first time. They...

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How Many People Do You Think Are Inside Of Ben Stiller Right Now: A Review Of...

Welcome to Part 2 of Winston Blake Wheeler Ward and Jay Hansbrough’s review of the trailer for The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Unfortunately, Part 1 of the review has been redacted by the NSA due to...

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Language Is A Virus Robitussin Can’t Cure: A Review Of The Trailer For Alien³

In 1992, I was twenty-two, hard bitten before my years, and entitled to a cynicism which I didn’t rightfully earn. I looked toward an uncertain future and a horizon that scrolled further away as I...

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Like A PayPal Made Of Guns: A Review Of The Trailer For “The Secret Of The...

In which Jason and Chris Alonzo review the trailer for The Secret Of The Sword. JASON Hey, Chris. Did you notice that the world of He-Man and She-Ra seems like a violent, Cormac McCarthyian place?...

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Devil May Care: A Review Of The Trailer For “The Care Bears Movie 2: A New...

Before we had a kid, my wife and I did some research about the best way to raise children in an interfaith family. There seem to be a number of spiritual hazards, not the least of which is confusing...

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That’s Just My Morally-Objectionable Baby Daddy: A Review Of The Trailer For...

In which Johnny Carroll and Winston Blake Wheeler Ward review the trailer for the Vince Vaughn “What am I going to do about all these babies?!” movie Delivery Man. WINSTON So, the question Delivery Man...

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El Maestro Becomes El Estudiante, Indeed: A Review Of The Trailer For...

In which Kate Sweeney and Hilary Kelley discuss the trailer for Ender’s Game. HILARY Kate, I know we’ve been dancing around it for a while, now, but it’s time we did something about this trailer. In...

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Nothing Except Snakes, Of Course: An Essay Inspired By The Trailer For...

I had never known Whit to be a prankster, but nothing else explained why there was what appeared to be a decent-sized snake hanging inside my window. Very funny, Whit. Admittedly, I hadn’t known Whit...

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Asexual European, Often Blue: A Review Of The Trailer For “The Smurfs: The...

I was just about to leave the party when Papa Smurf showed up with Smurfette and a Mason jar. Not that it wasn’t a nice party. Or a nice house. But, I had already done the tour twice and had already...

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The Real Witchcraft Was Making A Pot-Bellied Jack Nicholson Seem Like A...

In which Jason and Nick Tecosky of WRITE CLUB Atlanta review the trailer for The Witches Of Eastwick. JASON Hi, Nick. Was dating in the 80′s so difficult that women had to resort to witchcraft? I guess...

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The Song Goes Back To The Skeleton: Questions About Heaven Raised By “What...

In which Jason and Bobbin Wages discuss the trailer for What Dreams May Come. JASON Hi, Bobbin. You know what a good superpower would be? The ability to take a song that’s stuck in your head, and put...

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Don’t Hold Your Breath: Considering The The Psychological Aftermath Of...

In an interview with the Telegraph last week, Michelle Pfeiffer admitted that she was briefly involved with a cult back in the early 80s. I love the idea of tiny, ethereal Michelle gargling ram’s...

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Don’t Ask What The F Stands For: A Passionate Entreaty To The Omnicorp Board...

[The following text is taken from the official transcript of the OmniCorp Board of Directors’ annual meeting in New York, N.Y., on Nov. 25, 2013, into which a wild-eyed Kevin Forest Moreau barged,...

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Keep Stabbing Things Until All Your Problems Are Solved: Thoughts On...

There is no tale more beautiful, no story more telling of humanity’s earthbound struggles, than that of two brothers, locked in eternal conflict as they embark on a rage quest to see which one can...

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Wear A Moustache And Stand In A Hole: Thoughts On “The Grand Budapest Hotel”

Myke Johns and Kristina Ackerman discuss the trailer for The Grand Budapest Hotel. MYKE More than most things, I want for Wes Anderson to stop. There is something breathtaking about seeing him in...

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Fear Boners And Hyborian B-Movie Hell: Sexual And Gubernatorial Awakenings In...

In which Lauren Traetto of Vouched Books and FANZINE and Casey Childers of WRITE CLUB San Francisco review the trailer for Red Sonja. LAUREN I love it when a trailer includes mention of “the world’s...

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Make America Grimace Again: A Review of Trump’s McDonald’s Commercial

In which Jason Mallory and Chris Alonzo review Donald Trump’s McDonald’s Commercial from 2002 JASON That’s right, Chris—future President Donald Trump is holding a private meeting with McDonaldland’s...

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